Saturday, June 6, 2009

My Two Pence

From a tube map, London looks like one big, complex, crazy maze.
From a picture postcard, it looks like a dream destination.
But when one looks at this city up close, from street level, you find things like:

* Look left and Look right: Printed on the road at pretty much every road crossing, these helpful directions printed boldly on the bitumen, have saved me from getting squashed by on-line-shopping delivery trucks on more than one occasion. This is something I love about London, and think that Melbourne should definitely get onto. Do it!

*Chicken shops: These are everywhere! There is so much supply and apparently, so much demand. They're not necessarily good, but they definately out number fast food hubs like McDonalds and Burger King. There are approximately five different chicken shops between our house and the Clapham Junction train station, which is seriously a five minute walk. They are usually named after American states (Mississippi, Tennessee, Dallas, New York...but not Kentucky...hmmm) and have a range of fried chicken meal deals, that usually come with a fries and soft drink. No charcoal option, mind you, just fried. I would never eat chicken in Oz normally, but here, I've had more chicken than I'd care to admit. Not good, but the smell on the way home from the pub ropes you in. This has to stop.

*Planes in the sky: Whenever you look up, there is at least one plane in the sky, if not two or three. And more often than not, there's a helicopter up there just for good measure. Anytime of the day or night, oh yep, there's a plane.

*No service stations: Okay, well, maybe I've seen two or three since stepping off the plane, but still... Although I don't have a car, and I'm guessing that 5 out of the 10 million Londoners don't even own or have access to a vehicle of any kind, service stations can be good for a number of reasons: somewhere that you know is open 24/7 (around here the only thing open 24/7 are the bleepin' chicken shops!) and can get all the basic essentials (despite the exorbitant price mark-ups). I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Caltex!

*Kids with big sticks: I first noticed this when we had our brief stint in Putney, and I thought it odd that in a suburb with a demographic of waspy, yuppie, pram-pushing, loafer wearing, Volkswagen golf driving whiteys, there would be a group of about six 'tween' aged girls walking the streets, smoking cigarettes, carrying big sticks and wooden stakes. They walked past, asked us if we lived there or owned the place, and we gave them lots of closed answers so they'd quickly continue on their way, which thankfully, they did. Minutes later we heard some shouting, and they ran back past again, with their big sticks in their hands. Since then, I've seen so many kids carrying sticks- usually aged between six and ten, but sometimes, they seem older. Last night, outside the local Baptist church, there was a group of kids (that looked like they could have been 14 or 15) standing around the parking meter box, having heated conversations, and holding- you guessed it- big sticks! I haven't seen any fights yet...but, I'm waiting. Hopefully I'll be well out of the way when a stick fight breaks out! They better not start bringing them to school! Local councils and boroughs should seriously consider building more skate parks or something. But on the bright side, sticks are always better than knives. Aren't they??

*Digestive biscuits: Found on supermarket shelves everywhere- but don't fall for their 'digestive' promises! These are largely wheat based, chocolate covered biscuits (much like the commonly known Weston's Chocolate Weaton found in all parts of Australia and New Zealand), and are highly addictive. Especially the dark chocolate variety. If anything, they mess with the digestive process, and with close to 100 calories per biscuit, they push you closer and closer to having to attain a life-time gym membership.

* Keeping with tradition: England is an amazing country, with an equally impressive history. Previous generations of English people have managed to 'discover', conquer and colonise (also known as killing off and obliterating indigenous communities until they got their way *cough cough*) a staggering amount of the planet given their actual size, and yet, the more I learn about these people, and work in their education system, the more I am surprised at there lack of common sense and forward thinking. They hold on tightly to the notion of 'tradition'. It doesn't work, but it doesn't matter, because it's tradition. Let's not reassess- why bother fixing it?- it's tradition after all! It's bloody barmy, that's what it is! For example, it's raining today, let's not drive the kids to the park, and sit on a stationary bus for 15 minutes, and then drive them back to school- How about we save the petrol and the planet, and play board games in the hall instead?- NO! Couldn't possibly! It's tradition to go to the park, so even if we don't get off the bus because it's raining, we're going. It's tradition! Or, one and two pence pieces- even Australia, former convict nation, phased out the brown coins- I believe yet another Commonwealth nation, the great white north, aka Canada, phased out pennies, but no, not us! Not Old Blighty! Not England! Who cares that your wallet is weighed down with brown crap- crap only good for throwing in fountains (and forget about giving it to homeless beggars- there are regular announcements at all trains stations saying 'Don't encourage the beggars- don't give them money!', and station masters ready to brow beat you when you reach into your pocket...).

Please note: This post is currently under construction- a work in progress you might say, as I've only been here five weeks, after all- keep checking back for on-going observations :)

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